“Honestly, I ... just wish people asked how we were doing/feeling or how they can help. People often ignore the subject because if you haven’t been through infertility it can seem trivial or be hard to understand people who are going through it are feeling.
We don’t expect anyone to have all the answers or provide a solution, we just want to feel seen and be heard, to know people see us and our struggle and love us through it.” - Alexis
Tell us about you:
Hi, I’m Alexis and my husband is Joe. I’m born and raised in Las Vegas, NV and he’s from Huntington Beach, CA. I’m 28 and he’s 29, we’ve been together for just shy of 5 years and married just shy of 3.
I work at both a tech company from home and Starbucks, which I picked up part-time because their insurance has infertility coverage. When my husband isn’t giving me injections or we’re not at the doctors we’re probably out seeing a movie, at home with our pack of dogs, or with family.
Our dogs are our babies, we have 4 total: Ringo, Paul, Lucy, and Sammy. Each dog has their story of how they came to be ours, but it’s Lucy who started our fostering journey. She was very pregnant and I thinking maybe she’d have some good vibes to send our way, then Sammy came along last. Sammy is special needs and the absolute love of my life, he truly was such a light in the darkness of all the hell that infertility has brought, he was exactly what I needed. Now, these are just our 4, we do foster and have dogs coming and going all the time, it keeps us busy and helps to keep our hearts full through what has been the darkest point in our lives. I can’t express enough how fostering has helped us through nearly 4 years of infertility and I’d highly recommend it to anyone who has love to give as it saves their lives and also saves ours as we’re putting so much love into them that it helps heal us when we’ve been so broken.
How can you relate to other women/men experiencing infertility?
My husband and myself have been going through treatment for nearly 4 years now. I knew since being diagnosed with PCOS in my early 20s that getting pregnant wouldn’t be the standard method, but I just thought we’d take a little clomid and BOOM! We’d be pregnant.
Obviously life had other plans.
We found out my husband has low testosterone, but he was the easy part. Once that was found out he started HCG injections and clomid and his testosterone moved into a perfect range and his semen came back perfect! My side has been a lot more complicated. We’ve been to three different clinics, one with an absolutely horrendous experience where we wasted so much time, one was just ok but we wanted more, and the clinic we’re with now was our perfect match. Dr. Duke has been everything for us and has been crucial in finding my underlying issues that were causing my miscarriages working tirelessly and endlessly to find the right protocol and finding out I have thyroid problems, MTHFR with other clotting factors, progesterone issues, and that my body really hates ovulating even with a little nudge. We’ve run the gamut of treatments and have now landed at IVF. We’ve already had our first retrieval and had 5 - Day 5 embryos that we’re hoping at least one of will be our baby.
We know how isolating infertility is, how hard it is to watch everyone around you seem to have babies with ease while you’re just waiting for any amount of progress. The longer we’ve gone into this journey the harder it’s become and infertility truly can be a thief of joy, so we’ve had to find other ways to make joy in our lives.
“We found each other in the cosmos and that was wonderful.”
Through everything we have each other, even if the outcome isn’t exactly what we want, we still have each other.
What is one thing you would share with other couples in the midst of their journey?
I know it feels incredibly hopeless and just futile, and some days you just have to allow yourself to feel that. Then when you’ve given yourself the space and time to feel that, keep pushing until you know in your heart that it truly is your limit.
We’ve been pushed to our limits time and time again, and for me personally what’s kept me going is I know myself: if I don’t try every option available to me before letting the dream go I know I’ll always ask “what if”.
Even on the days I feel so done and ready to give up I just remind myself that the “what if” will kill me so much more than exhausting all of our options and coming out childless. If that is our path then I know I tried and did everything I possibly could and I can be at peace with it. The other big thing I’d say is take care of yourself! Whether it’s just a do nothing day binging movies and tv, that indulgent treat, or a spa day, just make sure you’re not running on fumes and you’re investing in yourself by taking care of yourself and your marriage first.
What is one question you wish friends or family would ask?
Honestly, I probably just wish people asked how we were doing/feeling or how they can help. People often ignore the subject because if you haven’t been through infertility it can seem trivial or be hard to understand people who are going through it are feeling.
We don’t expect anyone to have all the answers or provide a solution, we just want to feel seen and be heard, to know people see us and our struggle and love us through it.
Thank you Alexis and Joe for sharing with the Roaring Adventures Village. Please know that you are not alone, we see you and wrap you with many hugs of support!
Sending many well wishes to you both!
Please feel free to connect with Alexis on IG: @ Flunkingfertility